The Missing Barkeep
The Fishqueen and the Barkeep were out walking one fine day
and the Fishqueen was all a-shooing her many suiters far away
cause she was courting Barkeep and smiling at his face
while he pushed everyone away from his bag full of space
He reached into that bag of his and pulled out underwear
and everybody wondered how their panties got right there
They hadn't even noticed when he slowly pulled them off
and when he'd said he'd had them all they did was jeer and scoff
But the barkeep knew that he was right and pulled them out right quick
SO all the women shreiked in rage and threw their many fits!
But then he reached into that bag and pulled out alcohol
so the many shrieking women forgave the panties all
mercury for sparkle, a bit of love for red
jamacan rum for scourgy, tequila for the med
nothing for the moopie, Ameretto sour for the carrothead
And they drank and danced in joy and bliss
until red noticed something amiss...
She looked around the barroom hoping she was wrong
hoping that he was hiding and not disappeared and gone
she looked and called his name and then sat and thought real hard
and realized that he had vanished; his bar she'd have to guard
but if he was missing, she had to find him too
so she sat a bit and pondered about what on earth she'd do
Eventually she got up and raced off real real fast
and everyone who saw her wondered what had passed
a blur was all that they had seen as she raced on by
because she realized she had need to find a way to fly
and so she raced for hermes seeking his shoes and cap
but she raced in circles cause she lacked a godmade map
So she sat and thought again where she'd have to go explore
because for her dear quest she'd a little more
maybe some explorers, and a godmade map or two
Maybe the Lightning Footed and her fast lightning shoe
maybe the Winged Carrot, she could keep them fed
Or the Scourgy Goddess and her skill with twinkies smashed upon the head
So the four set off to find the vanished barkeep
In the wee wee hours when most were off in sleep
The Lightning and her fast fast feet
The Carrot and her Saks bought black, her gothness quite complete
The Scourge and her Weapons, evil enemies to beat
And Majenta, weeping color, seeking out her Love.
They wandered first to Realm of Newts, that place of crawling slime
where being large with stepping feet was really quite the crime.
The Newty Guards and all their spears surrounded them quite fierce
and tried to use their spears to tear and rend and pierce.
Then Scourgy yelled her War cry, and out came Dreaded Scourge
The Scourge the Arrogant Quintessence had formed upon his forge.
She defeated them quite soundly, they quaked and shook with fear
and led them to their Taga, the Queen of Newts who had no peer.
Her armies were all vanquished, the Newts they all fled
But Taga Peerless Queen, refused to turn her head.
She Creeeeed and a mighty War Creeeee, and fought with Newty gall
Till they were quite impressed with her the Scourgy One and all.
Taga joined them in their quest, bored of queenly rule,
Since it was said from times long past, "The Sovereign is a Fool."
She said I have a treasure map, it leads to Answers Mighty
though Legend says its guarded by a Bitey.
Off they went, with Taga and her conjured guides to lead.
To save the Errant Barkeep, and his quantities of mead.
Neighboring the Land Of Newts, their Deadly Foes, the Ants
Built their homes and fought the Newts, in little anty pants
The had their spears, but what they sought was the Scourge of High Reknown
The Scourge that rumor told would break the ruling Newty Crown.
Full of care and caution, they entered the Deadly Land.
Full of pits and traps it was, and an aweful lot of sand.
Scourgy gripped her Weapon, Taga readied her royal Creeeee
Fishqueen the Red held onto her longing for he....
The Little Antys saw them coming, they ran to tell their Queen
of the Evil Newt a coming, and her friends that they had seen
The Ant Queen scurried round in fear, and prepared a mighty feast
A feast to soften the heart of Taga, so her marching she would cease.
Scourgy spit and snarled, wanting to step on ants
Taga merely smiled, laughing at their sparkly pants.
Red the Fishqueen growled, wanting barkeep near
and Carrot looked around in awe, she spied a pitcher of beer.
The Queen of Ants grinned courtly, reaching for poisoned death
Taga smiled sweetly, holding a Creee under her breath.
The Queen summoned her ants, they started to swarm around
Little anty feet stomping on the ground.
The battle looked quite deadly, the ants they swarmed them down
When the ceiling fell atop the queen, the Pangolin had come to town!
He sucked the ants and ate them, while Scourgy fought, enraged
She saw behind the queen, there was someone caged!
Someone with lots of metal, she glittered from toe to head
Scourgy fought with battlelust, sure that she was dead.
The little ants they fought and crawled, their cause it seemed quite lost
When suddenly their pants they sparkled, they had help at no real cost.
A blinding glow from anty pants, and they all disappeared
the live ants and the dead ones, even those who feared.