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The Missing Barkeep

 The Fishqueen and the Barkeep were out walking one fine day
 and the Fishqueen was all a-shooing her many suiters far away
 cause she was courting Barkeep and smiling at his face
 while he pushed everyone away from his bag full of space
 
 He reached into that bag of his and pulled out underwear 
 and everybody wondered how their panties got right there 
 They hadn't even noticed when he slowly pulled them off 
 and when he'd said he'd had them all they did was jeer and scoff 
 But the barkeep knew that he was right and pulled them out right quick 
 SO all the women shreiked in rage and threw their many fits! 
 
 But then he reached into that bag and pulled out alcohol
 so the many shrieking women forgave the panties all
 mercury for sparkle, a bit of love for red
 jamacan rum for scourgy, tequila for the med
 nothing for the moopie, Ameretto sour for the carrothead
 And they drank and danced in joy and bliss
 until red noticed something amiss...
 
 She looked around the barroom hoping she was wrong
 hoping that he was hiding and not disappeared and gone
 she looked and called his name and then sat and thought real hard
 and realized that he had vanished; his bar she'd have to guard
 but if he was missing, she had to find him too
 so she sat a bit and pondered about what on earth she'd do
 
 Eventually she got up and raced off real real fast
 and everyone who saw her wondered what had passed
 a blur was all that they had seen as she raced on by
 because she realized she had need to find a way to fly
 and so she raced for hermes seeking his shoes and cap
 but she raced in circles cause she lacked a godmade map
 
 So she sat and thought again where she'd have to go explore
 because for her dear quest she'd a little more
 maybe some explorers, and a godmade map or two
 Maybe the Lightning Footed and her fast lightning shoe
 maybe the Winged Carrot, she could keep them fed
 Or the Scourgy Goddess and her skill with twinkies smashed upon the head
 
 So the four set off to find the vanished barkeep
 In the wee wee hours when most were off in sleep
 The Lightning and her fast fast feet
 The Carrot and her Saks bought black, her gothness quite complete
 The Scourge and her Weapons, evil enemies to beat
 And Majenta, weeping color, seeking out her Love.
 
 They wandered first to Realm of Newts, that place of crawling slime
 where being large with stepping feet was really quite the crime.
 The Newty Guards and all their spears surrounded them quite fierce
 and tried to use their spears to tear and rend and pierce.
 Then Scourgy yelled her War cry, and out came Dreaded Scourge
 The Scourge the Arrogant Quintessence had formed upon his forge.
 
 She defeated them quite soundly, they quaked and shook with fear
 and led them to their Taga, the Queen of Newts who had no peer.
 Her armies were all vanquished, the Newts they all fled
 But Taga Peerless Queen, refused to turn her head.
 She Creeeeed and a mighty War Creeeee, and fought with Newty gall
 Till they were quite impressed with her the Scourgy One and all.
 
 Taga joined them in their quest, bored of queenly rule,
 Since it was said from times long past, "The Sovereign is a Fool."
 She said I have a treasure map, it leads to Answers Mighty
 though Legend says its guarded by a Bitey.
 Off they went, with Taga and her conjured guides to lead.
 To save the Errant Barkeep, and his quantities of mead.
 
 Neighboring the Land Of Newts, their Deadly Foes, the Ants
 Built their homes and fought the Newts, in little anty pants
 The had their spears, but what they sought was the Scourge of High Reknown
 The Scourge that rumor told would break the ruling Newty Crown.
 
 Full of care and caution, they entered the Deadly Land.
 Full of pits and traps it was, and an aweful lot of sand.
 Scourgy gripped her Weapon, Taga readied her royal Creeeee
 Fishqueen the Red held onto her longing for he....
 
 The Little Antys saw them coming, they ran to tell their Queen
 of the Evil Newt a coming, and her friends that they had seen
 The Ant Queen scurried round in fear, and prepared a mighty feast
 A feast to soften the heart of Taga, so her marching she would cease.
 
 Scourgy spit and snarled, wanting to step on ants
 Taga merely smiled, laughing at their sparkly pants.
 Red the Fishqueen growled, wanting barkeep near
 and Carrot looked around in awe, she spied a pitcher of beer.
 
 
 The Queen of Ants grinned courtly, reaching for poisoned death
 Taga smiled sweetly, holding a Creee under her breath.
 The Queen summoned her ants, they started to swarm around
 Little anty feet stomping on the ground.
 
 The battle looked quite deadly, the ants they swarmed them down
 When the ceiling fell atop the queen, the Pangolin had come to town!
 He sucked the ants and ate them, while Scourgy fought, enraged
 She saw behind the queen, there was someone caged!
 
 Someone with lots of metal, she glittered from toe to head
 Scourgy fought with battlelust, sure that she was dead.
 The little ants they fought and crawled, their cause it seemed quite lost
 When suddenly their pants they sparkled, they had help at no real cost.
 
 A blinding glow from anty pants, and they all disappeared
 the live ants and the dead ones, even those who feared.